Category Archives: My Story

Fasting. Hit the reset button.

Even though my spirits are awesome, my body is not at all feeling very well.

I know that these things affect everyone differently and for me I think another fast is in order. Not fasting to lose weight or anything like that but it’s just a way for me to hit a reset button on my health. In the last 8 months I have realized that massive benefit that fasting has had for my health and I have been lazy on it as of late. If you would like to give your body a chance to reset and heal… Fasting may definitely be the way to go. I use the snake juice to fast with because I don’t have hunger pangs when drinking it. I can fast for longer and the health benefits are phenomenal. I have been diagnosed with many issues and this helps me immensely.

Have a look at the recipe and give it a try.

SNAKE JUICE RECIPE! Cole’s recipe.

  • Water=2L
  • Potassium chloride =1 tsp
  • Sodium chloride = 1/2 tsp
  • Sodium Bicarbonate = 1 tsp
  • Magnesium Sulfate = 1/2 tsp



Weight loss is still my journey.

I have discovered intermittent fasting.


There are many times in life even after weight loss surgery that I still step on the scale in dread. I fear the extra pounds have been added on. I fear not being loved for my body now that things are not as a normal body would be after surgery. Just as they weren’t before surgery. It is interesting how we put ourselves through all of this for self love. To be healthy. I have been no more than 185 lbs in the last 8 years but I am here to tell you that it has still been a journey.

I have since tried many diet fads to keep the weight off being that I used to be 355 lbs and the idea of being anywhere near that again scared the livin bageebers outta me lol. But what I have found works for me is intermittent fasting. Amazingly enough everyone tells you to eat three square meals a day otherwise you are starving yourself. I believe this to be the biggest lie in the whole universe. We undergo surgery to make us starve ourselves to lose all of this weight, eating maybe max a teaspoon of food per meal and it is condoned by the medical society. So If that be the case then why not take full responsibility for our diet before we get to that point and do whatever it takes? I feel that intermittent fasting is the best way to go,..putting your body into Ketosis.


This has generated fantastically amazing results for me. I eat one meal per day consisting of vegetables and meat..going very lean on the carbs and eating healthy fats.

Now I’m no expert but I just know what works for me. Going to the gym is great but I never lose weight. So This is the approach I take. During the day I drink 1 liter of water that has lemon juice and half a teaspoon of no salt added for the potassium. I have issues with water retention as it is so I do not add salts to the water. During the day I also have a sparkling water beverage or two…no calories, no sweeteners. I have given up coffee and tea unless i get a keto headache then I will have just half a cup of coffee or tea for the caffeine. I get keto sticks from the drugstore and make sure that I am in the middle somewhere because if i go too far into ketosis i feel awful. That I believe is called Keto Flu. NOT FUN! Yes I’m A baby…deal with it!!! This is all I do and in one solid week I have lost 11 pounds. No snacks, nothing other than a supper meal.


So you see weight loss surgery initially takes care of the weight issue but for the most of us…it is still and always will be a journey. It is doable. I am here if anyone wants to comment or talk. Please feel free to join me in this journey. It is nice to have the support of others in the same scenario.


For a Reason Or Coincidence?? Part 5


Step #3

So there, I was on the surgery list again. How exciting. “Said with a whooooole lot of sarcasm.” Here I was waiting again. You’d think I’d have been a pro at it by this time. Have you ever realized that the closer you get to something the more frustrated and tired of waiting, you become? Maybe it is because our soul feels the closeness of these changes appearing in our vibration. We first hatch the idea…the universe answers and then we line our vibration up with the intended result. This is when I believe we start to lose resistance to the idea and the universe brings our intentions closer to realization. This is also when we get the most frustrated to the point where we say a few choice words and give up on the whole thing all together….which is brilliant because that is when the state of zero resistance occurs.
Allowing the universe more creative license to bring us our desires. Why? Because we get our ego’s out of the way.

The late Wayne Dyer liked saying that EGO stands for Edge God Out. I like that theory. I also like the saying…man can do only so much…then comes God.


So finally the day for surgery comes. Surgery is had and all of a sudden,….I start losing weight. It didn’t take long. By Christmas that year I was 200lbs. Then by spring I was 160. By summer I was 150 and that is where I stayed for a long while.

During the spring of that year, about three weeks before Valentines Day…I thought…what are the chances that I could take my piano playing and singing professional? I decided to stop in at the local hotel and ask if they needed a pianist there in the lounge. They didn’t but they highered me to play piano for their Valentine’s Day Dinner in their restaurant. It was all very exciting and thus began my career being a professional pianist. Now go ahead and ask me what makes a person all of a sudden decide to go and do that? Remember a while back I mentioned that whole “Courage” word? Yup. that is exactly what it took and a desire to be my best me. I was thin and I had no more excuses to hide behind. No more fat to hide behind either. It was an incredibly liberating experience. I pride myself in being a person of my word but I can honestly say that this is possibly the first time I kept my word to myself on something so vitally important to my emotional well being. It truly has been a huge blessing in my life.


For A Reason Or Coincidence?? Part 4

Part 4

For many years after that I sat at that piano playing, practicing, and writing my own material. I always wanted to play professionally but never thought it would happen to me. No, it’s all just pipe dreams. That kind of stuff happens to and for other people, not me. Not some 355 lb woman sitting at a piano with no future. The only reason I was still on the planet was because I had three children that I loved more than anything. Or so I thought. I was so depressed at the time. I had always battled with depression. My weight didn’t help the situation which was a habitual issue and my health on top of that just added fuel to the fire. I went to see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me as being bi-polar. After that time I got on medication and my life has steadily improved. Actually at an alarming rate in my opinion. When I think that just 4 years ago, I started on this journey and here I am now? It amazes me. But then again in hindsight the universe had plans for me. It’s really amazing to me that in order to become depressed you have to be a very self focused person. Have you ever thought of that?

For me when I was depressed it was always about, me, I, mine. Anything that put me at the center of the universe. I didn’t come out of this way of thinking for many many years. I still struggle with it today. As we all know, no one is perfect. Perfection is something we might strive to accomplish, but is never attainable. The reason for that I believe is because our idea of perfection changes and grows as we change and grow. Interesting, isn’t it?


Through that depression, I still played piano, practiced relentlessly and wrote my own music. I started to see that I had things to be thankful for. Like my children. I decided to start writing music and songs for those I was thankful for. I wrote a song for each one of my children. After doing that, I started writing music about love in general and then other things. I opened my heart and started writing about loss. How that affected me and many others. The problem with all of this is that, I was 355 lbs and way too embarrassed to be up on stage performing at that weight. The way I looked upset me a great deal. I had become a very hard minded person. But the piano and music softened me and I believe gave me hope. I thought, no one will ever hear my music. I sat at my piano and cried because I was doing all of this and the world would never hear it. I didn’t’ have the confidence to carry it out.

I sat down that day and decided to make a list of how to change so that I would have the confidence. The list was lengthily, but it had to be done. There were no longer any other options. Guess what was at the top of the list? I have to see a doctor about weight loss surgery again. Let me explain the again part of that sentence.


“Gastric Sleeve Surgery”

I had been on a waiting list for surgery for 4 years. First my doc put me on a list in a different city because the weight list here was so long, but while I was waiting they changed the rules of which jurisdiction they could do the surgery in. Because I was from a different city, I was no longer in the correct jurisdiction.

So my doctor sent me to a different city. This one needed me there once a week and living on a disability check there is no way that I could afford the travel. So that didn’t work. There was a Bariatric surgeon in my city but the waiting list was forever long. This is why we tried different options. Low and behold it turned out that all of this waiting, was nonsense.

My doc and I decided to put me on the list in my own city. Yes I still had to wait for two years but hey, whats the difference. I truly believed that this would never happen for me. I knew even if I had lost the weight on my own that I would never have the courage to keep it off because it served me a purpose. It kept people at a distance so I couldn’t be hurt. Even though I was killing myself in the process.

OK, lets recap. Stage 1, Lose job and possibility of working. Stage 2, Get her a piano. Well you guessed it. Here comes Stage 3. Are ya ready? I know I sure wasn’t.


For a Reason Or Coincidence?? Part 3

Stage #2


As I sit in the emergency room, there is this young man sitting next to me. He had cause all around his arm. I asked him what happened and that is when I met his mom. Her name was Jane. I started telling her about myself and why I was there. I had told her that I was going through a divorce and feeling very frustrated with the whole thing. She told me that she had a lot of experience with divorce as she had been married a few times already and knew that it was difficult. I found her very encouraging and she gave me her number and told me to give her a call that perhaps she had some information that may be of help.

This is where our friendship began. We became pretty much inseperable. You see little did I know that at the time she was a major stepping stone in what God had planned for me. I would go to her house to visit. She had a piano that I sat and played at many times. You see, as a child I had taken piano lessons up until the age of 18. I had 9 years Royal Conservatory under my belt and nothing to show for it other than perhaps a learned skill or two of discipline. Ya to be honest? I can’t even say it taught me that. But I do know that music is in my soul. When I was just a little tike about three years old my mom would take us to a friends house down the road. This lady had a piano and I would plunk on it. My mom told me to get down and leave the piano alone because she didn’t know how this lady would feel about her little daughter messing around on her piano.


This lady said no no, listen. She is trying to play a song. I was hooked. Every birthday wish and Christmas wish, was filled with black and white keys and a dream to be able to play them. My mom had tried for many years to be able to buy me a piano but it never really worked out. Until one Christmas my dad who was a very hard worker, brought home a bonus check and told my mom she could do what she wanted with it. In that moment she knew instantly she was getting me a piano.

I woke up that Christmas and nearly dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy. I started taking lessons immediately. There were times in those years that I wanted to quit. I had had enough of the endless practice in the early morning hours. So did my brother. Can you imagine being woken up every morning of the week an hour early to hear your sister plunking on the piano? That would have driven me crazy. He still talks about it to this day.

Anyway, when I had left home I left my piano behind and went to search for my life elsewhere. I had gotten married and had two children. My husband at the time had lost work and I needed money to feed the kids so I sold it. I was so angry at him for so long because of that. But really and truly it was my choice. It wasn’t easy to do but I felt it was necessary. My mom was livid. However I told her that one day I would have another piano. I didn’t know when or how I would pay for such a thing. I surley never imagined in a million years it would be given to me.

Jane and my friendship continued for about 4 years. during the last year she told me that she was going to move away. I was quite upset about that but, it is what it is right? She told me that there was one issue she hadn’t worked out. I asked her what that was? She then proceeded to say that she didn’t want to lug this huge piano around with her and that it needed a home. If I could get someone to move it…that it was mine.

Can you imagine the shock. The excitement. The….everything. Here I was sitting there listening to this. I had told my mom I would have one but wow. To have it given to me? I just, I still can’t believe it till this day. So yes of course I took it. Are you kidding me?

When I tell you that a truly unselfish act of kindness and sacrifice will bring it back to you. I am living proof of that. I sold my piano unselfishly to feed my kids and a g/f I met in the emergency room when my world was turning upside down was that one to bring a piano back into my life. Wow. It was something I never could have dreamed of. Never would have thought of. Something that my soul needed so desperately. Obviously God knew that and boy did he deliver.

So you see, Stage 2 started right after stage one had started. Like I said the universe didn’t waste any time. It says now, and stuff starts happening. seriously, this blows my mind. What are the chances? I mean nothing could have ever cooked this up except what I believe was the Divine stepping into my life and saying,. enough!! It’s time.


For a reason or Coincidence?? Part 2

Part 2

pexels-photo-601798At that time in my life, the excuses just kept appearing. I was getting so good at it. *Chuckles*. What was I to do? Seriously, I mean, I am a single mom of three living on a disability check. How is anyone ever supposed to get anywhere with that tiny amount of money. To top it off, I ate to console myself and had gotten myself up to a whopping 355 lbs. I would never have admitted it at the time but my weight was going to be the death of me if nothing else got me first. When did the anger really start? What happened to take me to this moment in time when anger became the only emotion that I decided Feel?

I was working at a call center back in 2004. I would be sitting most of the day at my desk taking calls, when I started to feel tremors in my hands and legs. Then after a little while they would go completely numb. I didn’t let it worry me because I couldn’t be sick. I didn’t have time to be sick. I had three kids to support and an ex husband that wasn’t paying child support at the time. I let this happen and slide without seeing a doctor for about 5 months. I still had energy and wasn’t catching colds or anything so it’s all good, right? Wrong!

The last day that I worked there I looked down because I felt a burning sensation in my legs. My legs were so swollen that they were pretty much folding over the top of my shoes. Even though I was large my legs were probably double the size that they had previously been. I went to stand up and I could barely move my legs. I called my boss over and she insisted I go to the hospital. I was all of a sudden very concerned. Imagine that. In hind sight I wish I would have had been checked sooner.

pexels-photo-300857.jpegNone the less, there I was going to the Emergency room. Not working, not making money and not providing for my children. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I sat down at the desk to check myself in and filled the nurse in on what had been going on. She did the typical blood pressure check and her eyes almost popped out of her head. My blood pressure was EXTREMELY high! After a long wait in the waiting room, I finally got checked out. They had blood work done and the usual routine check. The doctor put me on blood pressure medication and said I should be fine.

I was under a huge amount of stress due to many different factors and a week later I saw my family doctor who decided it wasn’t a big deal. I told him that I wanted to find out why my legs were so swollen. He said they don’t look that swollen to me. This was a week later, so of course they don’t. Anyway, doctor gave me a letter stating that he felt I should be on a medical leave until this was sorted out. He gave me three months. So my boss had no choice but to agree to a three month leave of absence. I thought I was under stress before? Well that stress level just hit the roof. How was I going to live? So many questions flooded my mind. I was so afraid. I talked to my mom and some friends and found out ways I could be subsidized. It took 2.5 months for that funding to reach my bank account. We made due thanks to the generosity of family, friends and the local food bank.


I had to move out of the house I was renting because I could no longer afford it. Thank God that I got accepted into government subsidized housing right away or we would have been on the street. After about a year, many doctors appointments and specialists inspections, I got a diagnosis. I have fibromyalgia. What the heck is that? After some internet research and conversations with family, I started to understand. I was devastated. I was working and enjoying my job. I felt like I had purpose again and bam. It’s all pulled out from underneath me. In the blink of an eye. It’s all gone.


At that moment is when I decided anger was going to be my only emotion. After all, dreams were obviously for other people who had more luck or were whatever it was that I wasn’t. There were no tears, nothing. Just anger. It was a kind of anger that even through a divorce I had never experienced. It turned me into a person that I sadly had come to be extremely comfortable with and had no reason to be any other way. I was quite happy in my misery because it was safe. Safe from dreaming up what would eventually be my next downfall. My mom was amazing for me during this period of time. She told me that God had a plan for me we just didn’t know what it was yet. I mocked! God? What God? I will never have anything. I am stuck on disability for the rest of my life. I will be fat forever and I just have to accept it. There is nothing anyone can do. My hands were tied.


I bought in to all of those thoughts because it was the easy way out. Even though it was the easy way out, it was incredibly hard to come to terms with. But still less of a struggle then trying to find a solution. I still deal with it to this very day. The fact that I am not able to function like most people. But I have definitely come a very long way. This began a 7 year period of my life that would build and prepare me for what the universe or God, had in store for me. I believe this is when I started to learn what it was like to push through for reasons other than myself.

When there is no fear, just anger. No courage, just hate. I lived for one reason and one reason only. For my children. Ok, ok. I guess I was still capable of love but even they will tell you that I was the handful.

I never would have thought that the loss of my job would have any positive outcome. Do you think I am learning strength in the midst of strife yet? Well it’s a start. Today it makes me smile and laugh at how it all happened. Let me tell you this. The universe does not mess around. Just hours after the catalyst to all of this happens, sitting in the emergency room of all places, the universe threw me merciless into

Step #2.

For a reason or Coincidence?? Part 1

Step #1

Have you ever heard a phrase that over time came to mean more to you than you ever could have imagined? To be honest, I had never thought about it until my world had turned completely upside down. I was at a stage in life where I needed guidance. I needed something, anything, that would give me a cornerstone of truth to move forward with. Quite literally i needed help!!! The sooner the better. Little did I know that this simple phrase would be the cornerstone of the life I was about to build.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment
that something is more important
than fear.”

” Courage.” Perhaps I never knew the true meaning of this word. Perhaps like a lot of people, I thought that being courageous meant being emotionally strong and that if I was afraid, I was less than anyone who wasn’t. I believed that if I had fear of something. I would have to go to counseling for a while, so that I could overcome this fear. I believed that I had to get over my fear before I could consider myself courageous. It dawned on me one day, many years ago, that this phrase doesn’t

say you won’t be afraid but that it is imperative that you reach for your dreams in spite of being afraid. Wait a minute! I started to realize that for 42 years of my life I had misunderstood how this is supposed to work and if I am correct this will change my world as I know it. I was beginning to question all of my core values and truly everything I had based them on until this very moment in time. It is amazing how one simple phrase can change your understanding and help you see so much clearer. What was I starting to see more clearly? My truth.

I could never have known how this new knowledge would impact my life. Is it all really that simple? It’s just a choice? Well, I can’t say that it was just a choice, but I can say that it was like a switch that went off in my brain. At that moment in time I was given a tool that I could use to propel myself forward to places in life that I had only ever dreamed of. Do you know those places? Maybe you say, if I had this I would…., or if I was rich I would…., or if I had more courage I would…..! In my case, tears would fall down my cheeks when I saw someone sing on stage because I had always wanted to do that. Maybe it was the green eyed monster of jealousy lead me to putting other people down because they have what I wanted couldn’t have. Or told myself I couldn’t. After all it was an easy out so I could remain lazy. I can tell you one thing, all of this made me a very angry person. I have since come to believe that all things happen for a reason. When it is time, regardless of where you are at, I believe that the universe will throw you into a situation or situations that will put you on the path it intends you to be on. Your true souls purpose. Well let me tell you! The universe reared it’s ugly head and threw me Step #1.

“This is what happens when you don’t take action yourself, the universe intervenes.”