I have come to realize that, there are darker times in ones life then you could ever have imagined. Performing piano and singing had become such a way of life for me, but the universe had other plans. I would play piano and sing to help me deal with things emotionally but there came a time that I couldn’t even look at the piano or think about using my voice. It’s like the trauma of the last three years had closed my throat chakra so tight and all of my creativity was sucked dry.
I was being taught that I had to stand up for what was my truth. I had to speak out about injustice and a deep level of pain I had never imagined. How could I have ended up here after all of my success. Well I was being shaped and molded by Divine Source to create a new me. A new future and a new depth of of love and understanding in the depths of my soul.
Well my friends, the wait is over. I have come back and after all of that to feel my heart so full of love and joy for music and my musical family was truly amazing.
I can’t remember the last time my heart felt so full. Performing is definitely something that brings me incredible joy. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have the talent that I have and to be able to grace the world with it.
❤ Thank you Divine Source for helping me see the beauty that is in me. ❤
Aluna Ash. Energy Wave #1
The Hermit : Virgo
He stands alone on the top of a mountain with a lantern in his hand. Mountains typically symbolize achievement, growth, and accomplishment. The Hermit has attained his spiritual pinnacle and is ready to share his knowledge with others. He is also continuing the path he has chosen, committed to his goal of ultimate awareness. The star in the lantern is a six-pointed star (the Seal of Solomon, a symbol of wisdom). The staff carried by the Hermit is the patriarch’s staff, a symbol of the narrow path of initiation and an emblem of power and authority. It represents the Hermit’s ability to use his isolation and the knowledge he has gained as a tool upon his path to reach
~ Guiding Halo ~
Isn’t it amazing how when we raise our vibration and on a consistent basis are living an existence of being connected to divine source and love…. That when sadness arrives it hits us like a ton of bricks. I remember when I used to live my whole life everyday in sadness thinking that was the norm.
I would get up day after day, doing the same thing with the same people, and became very complacent in my sadness.
Now that I live my life at such a higher frequency connected to Divine source much more often, … Accepting anything less, than feeling emotionally fantastic, has started to become an incredible challenge.
“Abraham Hicks. Explains it best”
Let’s be realistic, I mean we all have challenges that come our way. But when you operate from a place of divine source and love those challenges are no longer challenges they are opportunities for growth and excitement. Because on the opposite side of what most would call a challenge?, is most likely the biggest breakthrough that you have had to date.
So I’m going to do my best to remember but when I feel sad, I should start getting excited. Because sadness truly is the precursor to a whole new vibrational level if you let it be. I know it’s all easier said than done at times… But hey if I can do it?, then anyone can do it.
For many years after that I sat at that piano playing, practicing, and writing my own material. I always wanted to play professionally but never thought it would happen to me. No, it’s all just pipe dreams. That kind of stuff happens to and for other people, not me. Not some 355 lb woman sitting at a piano with no future. The only reason I was still on the planet was because I had three children that I loved more than anything. Or so I thought. I was so depressed at the time. I had always battled with depression. My weight didn’t help the situation which was a habitual issue and my health on top of that just added fuel to the fire. I went to see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me as being bi-polar. After that time I got on medication and my life has steadily improved. Actually at an alarming rate in my opinion. When I think that just 4 years ago, I started on this journey and here I am now? It amazes me. But then again in hindsight the universe had plans for me. It’s really amazing to me that in order to become depressed you have to be a very self focused person. Have you ever thought of that?
For me when I was depressed it was always about, me, I, mine. Anything that put me at the center of the universe. I didn’t come out of this way of thinking for many many years. I still struggle with it today. As we all know, no one is perfect. Perfection is something we might strive to accomplish, but is never attainable. The reason for that I believe is because our idea of perfection changes and grows as we change and grow. Interesting, isn’t it?
Through that depression, I still played piano, practiced relentlessly and wrote my own music. I started to see that I had things to be thankful for. Like my children. I decided to start writing music and songs for those I was thankful for. I wrote a song for each one of my children. After doing that, I started writing music about love in general and then other things. I opened my heart and started writing about loss. How that affected me and many others. The problem with all of this is that, I was 355 lbs and way too embarrassed to be up on stage performing at that weight. The way I looked upset me a great deal. I had become a very hard minded person. But the piano and music softened me and I believe gave me hope. I thought, no one will ever hear my music. I sat at my piano and cried because I was doing all of this and the world would never hear it. I didn’t’ have the confidence to carry it out.
I sat down that day and decided to make a list of how to change so that I would have the confidence. The list was lengthily, but it had to be done. There were no longer any other options. Guess what was at the top of the list? I have to see a doctor about weight loss surgery again. Let me explain the again part of that sentence.
I had been on a waiting list for surgery for 4 years. First my doc put me on a list in a different city because the weight list here was so long, but while I was waiting they changed the rules of which jurisdiction they could do the surgery in. Because I was from a different city, I was no longer in the correct jurisdiction.
So my doctor sent me to a different city. This one needed me there once a week and living on a disability check there is no way that I could afford the travel. So that didn’t work. There was a Bariatric surgeon in my city but the waiting list was forever long. This is why we tried different options. Low and behold it turned out that all of this waiting, was nonsense.
My doc and I decided to put me on the list in my own city. Yes I still had to wait for two years but hey, whats the difference. I truly believed that this would never happen for me. I knew even if I had lost the weight on my own that I would never have the courage to keep it off because it served me a purpose. It kept people at a distance so I couldn’t be hurt. Even though I was killing myself in the process.