I have come to realize that, there are darker times in ones life then you could ever have imagined. Performing piano and singing had become such a way of life for me, but the universe had other plans. I would play piano and sing to help me deal with things emotionally but there came a time that I couldn’t even look at the piano or think about using my voice. It’s like the trauma of the last three years had closed my throat chakra so tight and all of my creativity was sucked dry.
I was being taught that I had to stand up for what was my truth. I had to speak out about injustice and a deep level of pain I had never imagined. How could I have ended up here after all of my success. Well I was being shaped and molded by Divine Source to create a new me. A new future and a new depth of of love and understanding in the depths of my soul.
Well my friends, the wait is over. I have come back and after all of that to feel my heart so full of love and joy for music and my musical family was truly amazing.
I can’t remember the last time my heart felt so full. Performing is definitely something that brings me incredible joy. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have the talent that I have and to be able to grace the world with it.
❤ Thank you Divine Source for helping me see the beauty that is in me. ❤
Life is so dynamic and full. I am so excited about every step of this journey. About watching it all unfold one synchronization after another. Each moment. Each memory. Each feeling. Each smile. Each frown. All parts of the journey that make up this beautiful life. Reach for the best feeling thought. Lead from inspiration only. Always. Trust and have faith in the process. Trust your intuition. Have faith that you are being divinely guided to life’s amazing new bounty around the next corner.
Understand that you never get it done because one event leads to further creativeness and the hatching of new desires. Enjoy your thoughts. Enjoy your dreams. Enjoy the ride and know, that source has your back always. Know that the universe will always show you where you are at and what vibration you have going on just by observing who sits across from you.
Know that you are perfect just as you are and source has a plan for your life. Your souls purpose. To resonate love wherever you go. To use your gifts and talents to uplift yourself and others. Every moment is a part of the journey. Please above all, never forget who it is that walks beside you every day.
The Hermit : Virgo
He stands alone on the top of a mountain with a lantern in his hand. Mountains typically symbolize achievement, growth, and accomplishment. The Hermit has attained his spiritual pinnacle and is ready to share his knowledge with others. He is also continuing the path he has chosen, committed to his goal of ultimate awareness. The star in the lantern is a six-pointed star (the Seal of Solomon, a symbol of wisdom). The staff carried by the Hermit is the patriarch’s staff, a symbol of the narrow path of initiation and an emblem of power and authority. It represents the Hermit’s ability to use his isolation and the knowledge he has gained as a tool upon his path to reach
I have learned something about myself as of late that I need to share and there is only one soul I want to tell.
I have learned that the meaning of the words “I love you” have changed for me. While to some extent, I still hold this idealized version of the mundane, white picket fence marriage and bliss, just to end up stopping having sex after 6 years… Lol (How and when did that ever become bliss?)
I have been on a journey to manifest into my life for the past years a love that is connected, not by reason, or circumstance. Not by labels or houses. But by a true soul connection. A love that I can have for a soul regardless of it’s flaws… To love him just for who he is. This is why you knew that you could be exactly who you are with me. No pretense. I have to admit that It has definitely been a work in progress. I have found that soul. The problem is… I lost balance and got caught up in the old paradigm of it having to be a certain way. It’s partial codependency and partial control…
It’s like we are tied to some old expectations that are making us resist this new soulful love. At least for me. ” I think”… (But what do I know?) I am truly a soul on a journey just as your soul is. I am not telling you this for any outcome. I don’t even need a response. But I have realized that my confliction has come because in stepping into unconditional love… Our souls found each other.
I know that is why this bond… Soul bond.. Will not leave me. I have been learning how to unconditionally love myself and you my darling took this to a whole new level. Which I believe scared the shit outta me. Yup.. I know it did. I need your soul to hear this for my souls sake. Not for any other reason. Not even for a response.
This is a message from the deepest part of my soul to the deepest part of yours. I love you ❤
My soul can now rest easy as I go through life because I have spoken it’s truth.
So there, I was on the surgery list again. How exciting. “Said with a whooooole lot of sarcasm.” Here I was waiting again. You’d think I’d have been a pro at it by this time. Have you ever realized that the closer you get to something the more frustrated and tired of waiting, you become? Maybe it is because our soul feels the closeness of these changes appearing in our vibration. We first hatch the idea…the universe answers and then we line our vibration up with the intended result. This is when I believe we start to lose resistance to the idea and the universe brings our intentions closer to realization. This is also when we get the most frustrated to the point where we say a few choice words and give up on the whole thing all together….which is brilliant because that is when the state of zero resistance occurs.
Allowing the universe more creative license to bring us our desires. Why? Because we get our ego’s out of the way.
The late Wayne Dyer liked saying that EGO stands for Edge God Out. I like that theory. I also like the saying…man can do only so much…then comes God.
So finally the day for surgery comes. Surgery is had and all of a sudden,….I start losing weight. It didn’t take long. By Christmas that year I was 200lbs. Then by spring I was 160. By summer I was 150 and that is where I stayed for a long while.
During the spring of that year, about three weeks before Valentines Day…I thought…what are the chances that I could take my piano playing and singing professional? I decided to stop in at the local hotel and ask if they needed a pianist there in the lounge. They didn’t but they highered me to play piano for their Valentine’s Day Dinner in their restaurant. It was all very exciting and thus began my career being a professional pianist. Now go ahead and ask me what makes a person all of a sudden decide to go and do that? Remember a while back I mentioned that whole “Courage” word? Yup. that is exactly what it took and a desire to be my best me. I was thin and I had no more excuses to hide behind. No more fat to hide behind either. It was an incredibly liberating experience. I pride myself in being a person of my word but I can honestly say that this is possibly the first time I kept my word to myself on something so vitally important to my emotional well being. It truly has been a huge blessing in my life.
At that time in my life, the excuses just kept appearing. I was getting so good at it. *Chuckles*. What was I to do? Seriously, I mean, I am a single mom of three living on a disability check. How is anyone ever supposed to get anywhere with that tiny amount of money. To top it off, I ate to console myself and had gotten myself up to a whopping 355 lbs. I would never have admitted it at the time but my weight was going to be the death of me if nothing else got me first. When did the anger really start? What happened to take me to this moment in time when anger became the only emotion that I decided Feel?
I was working at a call center back in 2004. I would be sitting most of the day at my desk taking calls, when I started to feel tremors in my hands and legs. Then after a little while they would go completely numb. I didn’t let it worry me because I couldn’t be sick. I didn’t have time to be sick. I had three kids to support and an ex husband that wasn’t paying child support at the time. I let this happen and slide without seeing a doctor for about 5 months. I still had energy and wasn’t catching colds or anything so it’s all good, right? Wrong!
The last day that I worked there I looked down because I felt a burning sensation in my legs. My legs were so swollen that they were pretty much folding over the top of my shoes. Even though I was large my legs were probably double the size that they had previously been. I went to stand up and I could barely move my legs. I called my boss over and she insisted I go to the hospital. I was all of a sudden very concerned. Imagine that. In hind sight I wish I would have had been checked sooner.
None the less, there I was going to the Emergency room. Not working, not making money and not providing for my children. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I sat down at the desk to check myself in and filled the nurse in on what had been going on. She did the typical blood pressure check and her eyes almost popped out of her head. My blood pressure was EXTREMELY high! After a long wait in the waiting room, I finally got checked out. They had blood work done and the usual routine check. The doctor put me on blood pressure medication and said I should be fine.
I was under a huge amount of stress due to many different factors and a week later I saw my family doctor who decided it wasn’t a big deal. I told him that I wanted to find out why my legs were so swollen. He said they don’t look that swollen to me. This was a week later, so of course they don’t. Anyway, doctor gave me a letter stating that he felt I should be on a medical leave until this was sorted out. He gave me three months. So my boss had no choice but to agree to a three month leave of absence. I thought I was under stress before? Well that stress level just hit the roof. How was I going to live? So many questions flooded my mind. I was so afraid. I talked to my mom and some friends and found out ways I could be subsidized. It took 2.5 months for that funding to reach my bank account. We made due thanks to the generosity of family, friends and the local food bank.
I had to move out of the house I was renting because I could no longer afford it. Thank God that I got accepted into government subsidized housing right away or we would have been on the street. After about a year, many doctors appointments and specialists inspections, I got a diagnosis. I have fibromyalgia. What the heck is that? After some internet research and conversations with family, I started to understand. I was devastated. I was working and enjoying my job. I felt like I had purpose again and bam. It’s all pulled out from underneath me. In the blink of an eye. It’s all gone.
At that moment is when I decided anger was going to be my only emotion. After all, dreams were obviously for other people who had more luck or were whatever it was that I wasn’t. There were no tears, nothing. Just anger. It was a kind of anger that even through a divorce I had never experienced. It turned me into a person that I sadly had come to be extremely comfortable with and had no reason to be any other way. I was quite happy in my misery because it was safe. Safe from dreaming up what would eventually be my next downfall. My mom was amazing for me during this period of time. She told me that God had a plan for me we just didn’t know what it was yet. I mocked! God? What God? I will never have anything. I am stuck on disability for the rest of my life. I will be fat forever and I just have to accept it. There is nothing anyone can do. My hands were tied.
I bought in to all of those thoughts because it was the easy way out. Even though it was the easy way out, it was incredibly hard to come to terms with. But still less of a struggle then trying to find a solution. I still deal with it to this very day. The fact that I am not able to function like most people. But I have definitely come a very long way. This began a 7 year period of my life that would build and prepare me for what the universe or God, had in store for me. I believe this is when I started to learn what it was like to push through for reasons other than myself.
When there is no fear, just anger. No courage, just hate. I lived for one reason and one reason only. For my children. Ok, ok. I guess I was still capable of love but even they will tell you that I was the handful.
I never would have thought that the loss of my job would have any positive outcome. Do you think I am learning strength in the midst of strife yet? Well it’s a start. Today it makes me smile and laugh at how it all happened. Let me tell you this. The universe does not mess around. Just hours after the catalyst to all of this happens, sitting in the emergency room of all places, the universe threw me merciless into
Have you ever heard a phrase that over time came to mean more to you than you ever could have imagined? To be honest, I had never thought about it until my world had turned completely upside down. I was at a stage in life where I needed guidance. I needed something, anything, that would give me a cornerstone of truth to move forward with. Quite literally i needed help!!! The sooner the better. Little did I know that this simple phrase would be the cornerstone of the life I was about to build.
” Courage.” Perhaps I never knew the true meaning of this word. Perhaps like a lot of people, I thought that being courageous meant being emotionally strong and that if I was afraid, I was less than anyone who wasn’t. I believed that if I had fear of something. I would have to go to counseling for a while, so that I could overcome this fear. I believed that I had to get over my fear before I could consider myself courageous. It dawned on me one day, many years ago, that this phrase doesn’t
say you won’t be afraid but that it is imperative that you reach for your dreams in spite of being afraid. Wait a minute! I started to realize that for 42 years of my life I had misunderstood how this is supposed to work and if I am correct this will change my world as I know it. I was beginning to question all of my core values and truly everything I had based them on until this very moment in time. It is amazing how one simple phrase can change your understanding and help you see so much clearer. What was I starting to see more clearly? My truth.
I could never have known how this new knowledge would impact my life. Is it all really that simple? It’s just a choice? Well, I can’t say that it was just a choice, but I can say that it was like a switch that went off in my brain. At that moment in time I was given a tool that I could use to propel myself forward to places in life that I had only ever dreamed of. Do you know those places? Maybe you say, if I had this I would…., or if I was rich I would…., or if I had more courage I would…..! In my case, tears would fall down my cheeks when I saw someone sing on stage because I had always wanted to do that. Maybe it was the green eyed monster of jealousy lead me to putting other people down because they have what I wanted couldn’t have. Or told myself I couldn’t. After all it was an easy out so I could remain lazy. I can tell you one thing, all of this made me a very angry person. I have since come to believe that all things happen for a reason. When it is time, regardless of where you are at, I believe that the universe will throw you into a situation or situations that will put you on the path it intends you to be on. Your true souls purpose. Well let me tell you! The universe reared it’s ugly head and threw me Step #1.
Is it entirely possible in our belief systems that our idea of God or divine source is possibly less than 1 degree apart from someone else’s idea of their God? Perception is so subjective to change. That less than 1 degree… that less than 1% of shift in perception has created countless religions across the globe. Does it not then state in fact that all religions do lead to one God.
We humans have such a need to control our conditions, that we live in for supreme comfort, so much so that it can be less than 1 degree difference from someone else’s idea. Trying to control these conditions is what makes us feel safer… But we have actually created a Chasm.
“A Vortex of Hope. My Hope could be less than one degree off from someone else’s hope but looks entirely different.”
The point I’m trying to get across is that, perception is so subjective. I think there is one language that we all speak that doesn’t even need words. I believe that language comes from Divine source. I believe we are born into this life with it and I believe that we stray from it. I believe that it is our Divine Purpose to come back to it. I don’t believe that our Divine Purpose in life is to follow a certain path per se. I believe that our divine purpose in life is to learn to “be love”.
First starting with ourselves. Second taking it towards others and thirdly, spreading it across the world. It is entirely possible to choose love in the face of anger, hardship and a perception that lives in a box. Love can cure absolute agony and help you be free from resistance. The resistance that is so thick that you can cut through it like a knife.
“There is only one thing that can take us all past the “what is~ness” of right now and that is love.”
Be rooted… ground yourself. Give yourself the best possible future by getting up every morning and facing the world with liquid love. Let it spread from the innermost part of you and watch your day change in an instant. Show compassion where there is none. Do not place blame. Be an encourager, an uplifter and always find the positive because if you do I can, reassure you that you are starting to live your life as liquid love and the only thing that will ever come back to you are Universal blessings.
But don’t just take my word for it… go into the world and try it. Most of all, when you are hurting and you feel like you want to break, that’s when it’s time to show this love to yourself.
Treat your innermost being, your soul with this liquid love that you treat others with and it will propel you to a whole new level of existence. One that you never even knew was possible.